Movie review: ‘Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins’

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If you ever want to see a film that has something wrong with just about every second that it presents itself on screen, then look no further than “Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins.” Wow, this one sets a new standard of bad. The acting (if you can call it that) is abominable in “Remo Williams;” its direction stinks like a dead cat under your house; its cinematography is only OK and that’s high praise; and its screenplay was originally so bad that the bad director rewrote it and managed to improve into becoming an unworkable mess instead of just a steaming pile of … oops. Plus, you get Joel Grey playing an 80-year-old Korean martial arts expert. Whew! And I really watched “Remo Williams” again for this review even knowing how bad it is (insert sad face icon here!).

‘Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins’
(1985; 121 minutes; rated PG-13; directed by Guy Hamilton and starring Fred Ward, Joel Grey and Wilford Brimley)

THANKFULLY, THIS ADVENTURE DIDN’T TAKE OFF

(NOTE: I expanded this review with some more opinion, a little more trivia and the updating of links on Nov. 28, 2016. I again expanded the review on March 25, 2018. I again expanded the review on July 29, 2021. I again expanded the review on April 24, 2025.)

“Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins” had big aspirations when it was conceived, filmed and released to the public. With a great “James Bond” director at the helm, the less-than-stellar cast wasn’t a worry. However, the biggest of big eggs was laid when someone gave the “OK” to plop this turd into the pool and all the aspiration fell flat and the ambitious title including the word “begins” stands as a monument to really poor filmmaking. I’ll forgive the actors here because they do have talent but it’s difficult to showcase it in such a stinker. Just be glad they didn’t make any sequels.

The film is based on a series of novels from the 1970s in which an ultra-secret assassination bureau is created that only answers to the U.S. president. Its killer, a former cop who is railroaded and his execution faked, is trained by a Korean assassin who uses the art of “Sinanju.” Whew! No wonder it stinks. Also, in a neat aside, although there is no martial art called “Sinanju,” a number of actors auditioning for the part said they had studied it for years!

So, like in the “007” tradition, “Remo Williams” has to save the world (or at least the United States) and does so in a way that makes you want to visit the nearest bathroom.

So, I can’t avoid it any longer … here are your two so-called headliners:

  • A Golden Globe winner (not for this one), Fred Ward plays the title character “Remo Williams” and after watching him here you would have to say his talent couldn’t have fallen so far from his work two years earlier in “The Right Stuff” (click here to read my review). You’d be right, so it must be the screenplay and the director (I hope). Ward tries to be tough and sarcastic and comes off as wooden, silly and unbelievable even by Hollywood standards. Not a real portfolio builder here, Fred. He was also in “Escape from Alcatraz” as well as “Tremors” (click here to read my review) and “Miami Blues.” Oh, yeah, I liked Fred’s small turn in the raunch comedy “Road Trip” (click here to read my review). Ward was part of the ensemble cast of “Short Cuts” that won a Globe. He died at 79 in 2022.
  • The bad news is that Oscar winner (certainly not for this one) Joel Grey as “Chiun” is even worse. He plays the 80-year-old Korean who teaches Ward the martial arts. It’s difficult to next to impossible to accurately describe and convey to film the intended presence of the character as presented in the novels. Sadly, Grey fails on every level with this character. Grey comes off flat and, at most times, strained – if not just a stupid attempt to pretend to be a martial arts master. Grey, who is the father of “Dirty Dancing’s” Jennifer Grey, won his statue for “Cabaret” and has credits back to TV’s “Surfside 6” in 1960.

According to IMDb.com, Grey didn’t want to play an 80-year-old Korean (and I’m sure in retrospect the Asian community wishes he hadn’t either) but an award-winning makeup artist was brought in and Grey liked his work. Critics obviously like him too, since Carl Fullerton was nominated for an Oscar his makeup efforts – and you’ll never, ever find an Oscar-nominated performance today or in the future for make-up making a white man into an Asian. Fullerton has a stellar resume for makeup from films such as “Silence of the Lambs” (click here for my review) to TV series such as “The Golden Girls.”

Yikes! An Oscar nomination for this piece of junk. Even worse, Grey got a Golden Globe nomination for playing “Chiun.” I’m glad the Academy recognizes individual work since “Remo Williams” didn’t overall deserve any Oscar consideration and I’d have to say the Globe voters were on crack that year to even considering nominating any single part of this disaster on the big screen.

Here’s a look at more of the supporting cast:

  • Wilford Brimley tops the supporting cast with a tepid effort as “Harold Smith,” who is Ward’s and Grey’s boss. Another tepid effort in the obligatory “strong” role for a woman is Kate Mulgrew as “Maj. Rayner Fleming.” Both actors are better than what they show here. Brimley has been in a string of critically acclaimed films from “Cocoon” to a small but effective role in “The Electric Horseman” with Robert Redford (click here for my review) and even with Tom Cruise in “The Firm.” Mulgrew has been in “Throw Momma from the Train” and TV’s “Star Trek: Voyager.” Brimley died at 85 in 2020 from complications from diabetes.
  • In a sea of incompetent filmmaking and acting here, it’s too bad that Patrick Kilpatrick as “Stone” has to get singled out as giving a notably bad performance. Like others, he couldn’t overcome the limitations of the role (he has a diamond in one tooth that Ward uses to cut open a window in one scene – while the diamond’s still in Kilpatrick’s mouth). He was also in “Under Siege 2: Dark Territory” and “Last Man Standing.”
  • As the bad guy, Charles Cioffi plods forward through his role as defense contractor “George Grove.” He tries to do pushy, arrogant and cold-blooded, but just falls as flat as a pancake. An otherwise competent actor, Cioffi has been in “Shaft,” “Klute” and as a really nasty U.S. government official in the little-remembered but outstanding political film from Costa-Gavas titled “Missing.”
  • The supporting actor with the most interesting name is Webster Whinery (yes, that’s his birth name) as “Hood #3.” He was a stunt coordinator and stuntman with more than 121 credits in stunt work and was also a second-unit director. Whinery died at 68 in 2022. He had only 11 acting credits to go with his stunt work.

Director Guy Hamilton had a great resume coming into this one. He had directed four James Bond films, including the magnificent “Goldfinger” (click here to read my review). He also directed “Diamonds are Forever” (click here to read my review), “Live and Let Die” (click here to read my review) and “The Man with the Golden Gun” (click here to read my review) from Bond’s heyday of puns and double entendre with Roger Moore. He did only one feature film after “Remo Williams.”

“Remo Williams” has a main story to its plot about Ward taking care of a crooked defense contractor (OK, save the snarky comments for later) and at the end Grey runs across water. Just like the whole film, the scene is second-rate as you can easily see the waves outline the path built under the lake for him to run on. Ouch!

It’s actually surprising to me that “Remo Williams” was the 58th ranked film in 1985. Personally, I would have thought they were paying people to come inside and watch the film. Box Office Mojo reports that it made $14.3 million at the domestic box office. Since it was made on a then James Bond-ian budget of $40 million by a James Bond director, it was also a bomb with investors. “Back to the Future” was the No. 1 film of the year with $210.6 million. Here are the films from 1985 that I’ve reviewed:

Assorted cast notes (via IMDb.com):

  • Grey’s birth name is Joel David Katz; Brimley’s birth first name was Anthony; supporting actor George Coe’s birth name was George Julian Cohen; Kilpatrick’s birth name is Robert Donald Kilpatrick Jr.; and director Guy Hamilton’s full birth name was Mervyn Ian Guy Hamilton.
  • Ed Harris, one of Ward’s fellow stars from “The Right Stuff,” was “considered” for the part of “Remo.” Thank goodness IMDb.com doesn’t say it was his idea to audition for it. Harris has had a prolific career and I liked him in both “Enemy at the Gates” (click here to read my review) and as an especially vicious mobster in “A History of Violence” (click here to read my review) with Viggo Mortensen.
  • Hamilton said he came up with the idea of the Statute of Liberty action scene when he saw the scaffolding around it during a cleanup project.
  • A young guy named Bruce Willis was considered for the “Remo” role, but com doesn’t say if he auditioned or if it was offered. In any case, it would have been a more interesting movie, but I doubt Bruce could have elevated to even “crap” status.
  • The film was renamed for release in Australia to “Remo: Unarmed and Dangerous.”
  • William Hickey, who was known for playing mobsters in roles such as “My Blue Heaven” (click here to read my review) and “Prizzi’s Honor” (click to read for my review) should have gone the “uncredited” route for his role as “Coney Island barker,” but his effort and his patter here is actually the best 46 seconds of the entire film. A tip of the cap to the late Mr. Hickey, who died at 69 in 1997 of emphysema and bronchitis.
  • Finally and directly from IMDb.com: “A TV pilot was made and aired, but never went to series. Jeffrey Meek was cast as Remo Williams and Roddy McDowall as Chiun. Craig Safan remained as the series composer.” Ouch. Never saw it and glad I didn’t. See, someone will put anything on television. Even crap based on a crappy movie. Well, that’s Hollywood!

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