Movie review: ‘The Adventures of Ford Fairlane’

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A promotional still photograph from the movie “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.”

I’ve done a roundup of seven bad sequels (click here to read it) and have casually mentioned in reviews about “crap” movies including anything by Sacha Baron Cohen or a stinker by a usually good actor – say, “Where the Buffalo Roam” with comedy icon Bill Murray – but it took a run through the cable movie channel listings last week to dredge up the memory of a suppurating offering of dreck titled “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane” to expand on the definition of cinematic “crap.” Andrew Dice Clay’s comedy of the time wasn’t then and isn’t now for everyone, but it didn’t translate well to the big screen and absolutely no one should have anything good to say about “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.”

‘The Adventures of Ford Fairlane’
(1990; 104 minutes; rated R; directed by Renny Harlin and starring Andrew Dice Clay, Lauren Holly and Wayne Newton)

TAKING THE DEFINITION OF BAD TO A NEW LEVEL

(NOTE: I expanded this review with some additional trivia and opinion and I updated links on April 11, 2018. I again expanded the review on Oct. 10, 2022. I again expanded this review on Dec. 14, 2025.)

It is difficult to know where to begin to criticize “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.” It is a bad movie on all levels: The acting stinks; the story has no creativity; the dialogue barely qualifies as spoken communication and so, all in all, today you’d most liken it to the Kardashians – vapid, ignorant sleaze with no redeeming characteristics. OK, so nothing’s as insipid, crass or an insult to human intelligence than the raggedy assortment of fools in the K-world, but “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane” comes close. Pretty darn close.

Two actors, Gilbert Gottfried and Ed O’Neill, should have turned in their Screen Actors Guild cards from the sheer embarrassment brought on from their work in “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane,” while Wayne Newton, “Mr. Entertainment” himself, most likely still has nightmares when he even hears the title of the movie. It manages to even sully the reputation of the actor who plays “Freddy Krueger” in the “A Nightmare on Elm Street” horror film franchise.

Of course, the actors are the easiest targets in criticizing this steaming pile, but the majority of criticism must be heaped on director Renny Harlin. If judged solely on this film, you wouldn’t believe Harlin has any talent behind the camera – and since the rest of his career isn’t exactly sterling (can you say “Cutthroat Island?”), you probably wouldn’t be far off. Sorry, Renny, but second-tier would be a step up for you.

A promotional still photograph from the movie “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.”

A quick roundup of the plot, since I guess I have to …

Andrew Dice Clay plays “Ford Fairlane” and he drives a convertible one, of course – actually a sweet ride – and he’s Hollywood’s rock ‘n’ roll private eye. He gets a case to find a girl who’s a groupie to a band and … ah, who cares. The plot doesn’t really make any sense and your intelligence will be so offended by the first 15 minutes of the movie that you won’t care about anything as trivial as the plot the rest of the way.

A lot of critics were quick to dump on Clay, who plays the title character as an extension of his stand-up comedy of the day. If you know about or remember Clay of the time (misogynistic, sarcastic, overly sexual and brutally critical of everyone), then you’ll know the character. However, Clay shouldn’t bear the brunt of the criticism. He’s just himself here and he’s always been a guy who says, “Here I am, take it or leave it.” Oh, he says it with a couple of f-bombs, too. Harlin just makes sure you are forced to leave him, even if you like his routines.

A promotional still photograph from the movie “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.”

Two actors who shouldn’t have the film held against them are Lauren Holly, who plays Clay’s assistant “Jazz,” and Brandon Call, who is “the Kid” who sometimes hangs out with and emulates Clay. Neither allow the stench of the film to stick to them and Holly at least appears to be trying in what was only her third film.

Here’s a rundown of some of the principal cast:

  • It’s too bad that this Clay “vehicle” didn’t do more for him. He can actually be endearing – just watch “Casual Sex?” with Lea Thompson and SNL’s Victoria Jackson if you don’t believe me; if you do believe me, make sure you find it and watch it. He did an OK job in the sketch comedy film “Amazon Women on the Moon.” However, it’s too bad this stinker will define the valley of what passes for his career on the big screen. I liked him in the “Entourage” movie (click here to read my review), but, then again, he’s just playing himself – and Dice would have a nice time adding one word to that line!
  • A promotional still photograph from the movie “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.”

    Newton as “Julian ‘Julie’ Grindle” is just terrible here and looks like a walking advertisement for funeral home cosmetics. Wow! Yes, that comment is harsh, but certainly far from untrue. I guess I dislike this film more than I thought to heap that kind of criticism on “Mr. Las Vegas.” Sorry, Wayne, you just can’t be as good as you were in “Vegas Vacation” (hey, wait a minute!).

  • Gottfried as DJ “Johnny Crunch” is just plain putrid here – he tries to be his usual sarcastic and caustic self, but he comes off as just shrill, profane noise. His lines are awful; they are delivered with his trademark screech but no punch; and he’s obviously just cashing a check. He was in “A Million Ways to Die in the West” and was terrific in voicing “Iago” in Disney’s “Aladdin.” Actually, voicing was his best medium. He was also prolific with 189 acting credits since his first in 1980 through his death at 67 in 2022. I remember he was OK and modestly funny in a two-part episode of TV’s “Married With Children.”
  • I’m torn about the performance of Morris Day as music producer “Don Cleveland.” I’d like to believe he does at least a competent job, but he’s so smooth his work here could either be better or worse and it would be impossible to tell. If anything, you can say he’s watchable on screen. He was in “Purple Rain” with Prince and “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” (make sure you check him out in the song and dance number at the end).
  • Priscilla Presley is lost as “Colleen Sutton” in the flotsam of “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.” By the way, do you know the difference between flotsam and jetsam? Now, back to the review … Presley is just not that good to begin with and, like so many others here, should have done any other film that year than this one. Presley was better in the “Naked Gun” franchise and was on TV’s “Dallas.” She has been off Hollywood’s radar since 1999.
  • David Patrick Kelly plays the most aptly named character in the film: “Sam the Sleaze Bag.” Maybe the last two words should have been the movie’s title. “The Adventures of Sleaze Bag.” Hmmm. Has a nice ring to it for this one. It fits. Anyway, Kelly knows how to play a twitchy weirdo (check him out in the “The Warriors” – click here for my review – or “Dreamscape”), but here he just comes off as silly, forced and incompetent. He was also on TV’s “Twin Peaks.”
  • A promotional still photograph from the movie “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.”

    Robert Englund, who is a legend as “Freddy Krueger” in the horror genre, isn’t miscast here as “Smiley” – he’s just afflicted with the “Ford Fairlane” curse. He looks terrible, acts terrible and has a terrible role. He actually appears to try to make something of it, but, in the end, he comes off as bad as anyone else. Back in the day he did a lot of television work including “Charlie’s Angels” and “CHiPs” (click here for my look at that series).

  • A promotional still photograph from the movie “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.”

    Finally, I come to two-time Golden Globe nominee (not for this one) O’Neill as “Lt. Amos.” Although both celebrated and vilified in equal parts for the character “Al Bundy” on TV’s “Married With Children,” he would walk away from that with his head held high because of its popularity (something he cannot do with the supremely crappy, politically correct garbage called “Modern Family”). Funny, his nominations came for “Married With Children,” but not for the PC ignorance-fest. In this one, his disco singing and dancing is a farce mocking a farce and not doing a good job of it. Sorry, Ed, but you really misfired here. O’Neill was much better in “Dutch” – click here to read my review.

Well, outside O’Neill’s nominations, there’s nary a nomination – much less a win – in acting for anyone in this horrible, horrible movie. I could mention others here, such as Mötley Crüe’s Vince Neil as “Bobby Black” or Sheila E., who is another singer and played “Club Singer.” However, I’m going no further. No one deserves the ridicule that the others I’ve mentioned so richly deserve.

“The Adventures of Ford Fairlane” was the 58th ranked film of 1990 (that high?) with $21.4 million in ticket sales, according to Box Office Mojo. The No. 1 film was “Home Alone” (click here for my review) with $285.7 million and the No. 2 was “Ghost” with Patrick Swayze with $217.6 million. The other films from the year that I have reviewed are:

Assorted cast and film notes (via IMDb.com):

  • Clay’s birth name is Andrew Clay Silverstein; Holly’s middle name is Michael; Newton’s full name is Carson Wayne Newton; Presley’s birth name is Priscilla Ann Wagner; and Gottfried’s middle name was Jeremy and his nickname was “America’s Creepy Uncle.”
  • Rock star Billy Idol was originally cast as “Smiley,” but he was injured in a motorcycle accident and Harlin called in Englund.
  • In one of the few smart moves by filmmakers, radio shock-jock Howard Stern was reportedly offered the part given to Gottfried, but, sadly, he turned it down.
  • A promotional still photograph from the movie “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.”

    Directly from IMDb.com: “After many letters of protest from classic-car enthusiasts, the film’s production company said that an actual ’57 Ford Fairlane was not blown up in the explosion; it was a fiberglass replica body placed on a newer Ford chassis.”

  • Just like the film, the trivia noted on the IMDb.com page is awful.

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