Movie review: ‘Murderers’ Row’ (1966)

I didn’t watch the four “Matt Helm” films starring Dean Martin from the 1960s because I knew they made a mockery of the series of novels that I enjoyed reading. The films were either a blatant rip-off or a spoof of the “James Bond” films and looked to cash in on the “007” mania that had gripped audiences for several years. However, I did just now watch the second of the four – “Murderers’ Row” also starring Ann-Margaret and Karl Malden – and it is such a revolting effort by filmmakers that I’ll never watch any other from that quartet. I enjoy the majority of Martin’s work in both film and as a singer, but this is a stinkbomb of nuclear proportions and could traumatize some moviegoers from every watching a motion picture in the future.

‘Murderers’ Row’
(1966; 105 minutes; rated ‘Approved;’ directed by Henry Levin and starring Dean Martin, Ann-Margaret and Karl Malden)

SIMPLY THE WORST MOVIE EVER INFLICTED ON THE PUBLIC

I never thought I could find what I’d describe as the worst movie ever. Sure, I’ve seen flicks that were steaming piles of horrible garbage (for two examples, take “Caddyshack II” – click here to read my review – or “Dirty Work” – click here to read my review), but all those bad films are Oscar contenders compared to the utter embarrassment called “Murderers’ Row” starring Dean Martin, Ann-Margaret and Karl Malden.

• CLICK here … for all my reviews of movies
• CLICK here … for a chronological list of my reviews
• CLICK here … for all my reviews of ‘007’ movies
• CLICK here … for all my reviews of sports movies
• CLICK here … for all my reviews of war movies
• CLICK here … for all my reviews of Christmas movies
• CLICK here … for all my reviews of horror movies

“Murderers’ Row” has virtually no screenplay worth the name; no acting worth watching, much less be called acting; no stunt that couldn’t have been better presented; and offers highlights of nothing other than copious drinking, smooching and double entendres that make elementary school bathroom jokes appear more appealing.

It might be that “Murderers’ Row” and the other three “Matt Helm” films with Martin were spoofs of the “007” franchise, but “Murderers’ Row” is simply so bad that it would make even a reprehensible spoof film appear presentable.

Heck, at one point, “Murderers’ Row” spends several minutes on co-star Ann-Margaret dancing in a fashion that was supposed to appear “hip” at the time, but just appears as if she’s doing a combination of calisthenics, an energetic “twist” or the “pony” and physical convolutions similar to spastic twitching as if she were suffering a catastrophic stroke. Oh, my!

The story is simple (and an insult to the novel of the same name): A supervillain (Malden) is trying to develop a death ray to wipe out Washington D.C. and a U.S. agent of “I.C.E.” (yes, “ICE” was taken back in 1966 by this film for “Intelligence Counter Espionage”). The agent is “Matt Helm” and his cover is his being a photographer of risque photos and someone congenitally prone to drinking at least every other minute of every hour of every day. You know, the “guy” things back then!

After this introduction, you won’t have to worry about the plot of “Murderers’ Row.” There really isn’t one. Each scene is contrived to the point that the sound stage team’s biggest worry appeared to have been how to keep enough liquor bottles or flasks on hand to punctuate most scenes.

So, now for an obligatory look at the three primary cast members. I respect each one, with the exception of this film …

• 

  A Golden Globe winner and four-time nominee (absolutely not for this one), Martin just plows through this one without ever considering that they were making a movie. He shows nothing of the competence he projected in the original “Ocean’s 11” with Frank Sinatra (click here to read my review), much less the creativity with characters shown in his variety series “The Dean Martin Show” that earned him the Globe and three Globe nominations along with three Primetime Emmy nominations). I enjoy Martin as an entertainer and as a movie star (see him with Sammy Davis Jr. in Burt Reynolds’ hit comedy “The Cannonball Run” and its sequel – click here to read my review), but I’ll try to forget him in the mess called “Murderers’ Row.” Martin died at 78 of lung cancer and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease in 1995.

• 

  A two-time Oscar nominee and five-time Golden Globe winner and five-time nominee (absolutely not for this one), Ann-Margaret gets the screen time she deserves, but doesn’t get any worthwhile material with which to work. She’s energetic, but even her dancing is second-rate compared to “Viva Las Vegas” with Elvis Presley from two years previously. Thankfully, this film in no way reflects Ann-Margaret’s ability, except maybe the ability to say “no” when it was obvious the smell from “Murderers’ Row” was present even before she signed the contract. She was nominated for Oscars and won Globes for “Carnal Knowledge” and “Tommy” and has an impressive CV as any actor of her generation. Of course, as so many did, I enjoyed her work with Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon in “Grumpy Old Men.” Ann-Margaret is also a Primetime Emmy winner and five time nominee.

• 

  An Oscar winner and nominee (not for this one), Malden is the most puzzling actor in the cast. Unlike Martin, who would just do “Murderers’ Row” for sheer fun; or Ann-Margaret, who appears to enjoy being energetic on the big screen; Malden is a serious actor appearing to have serious trouble doing anywhere close to a good job. To say his effort was wooden would be an insult to a pressure-treated 2×4 at Home Depot and I’m sure he would have enjoyed seeing his character exit much earlier. Malden won his Oscar and got his nomination for the Hollywood classics “A Streetcar Named Desire” and “On the Waterfront” (both with Brando). He was also terrific as the foil to George C. Scott in “Patton.” Malden died at 97 in 2009.

It is completely amazing that Ann-Margaret and Malden were in the classic and critically acclaimed Steve McQueen movie “The Cincinnati Kid” (click here to read my review) that had its premiere only four months before “Murderers’ Row” plopped down as a steaming mess in 1966. Both did top-shelf work with “The Cincinnati Kid” and if you hadn’t recognized them, you wouldn’t believe two actors capable of such would lay such a nasty egg with “Murderers’ Row.”

It  would be nice to mention Golden Globe winner (not for this one) Camilla Sparv as “Coco Duquette” or Tom Reese as Malden’s enforcer “Ironhead.” Sparv, who was also in the simply wonderful “The Trouble With Angels” (click here to read my review) from the same year as “Murderers’ Row,” was an interesting actor but instantly forgettable in this one and Reese’s character was simply so rigid and pathetic and his effort so incompetent that it’s unthinkable as to the depth plunged through the putrid nature of his effort.

Sparv won her Globe for another film in 1966: “Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round” with James Coburn and Aldo Rey. Sparv has only 33 acting credits with her first three movies all I’ve mentioned fromn 1966. Her acting career spaned four decades beginning with an appearance on a tee-vee show in 1965 and the final one in a poorly-reviewed film from 1992. Reese was much better in the iconic flick “Vanishing Point” (click here to read my review) that became a cult favorite and he died at 89 in 2017.

I’m not going to specifically insult other actors since, like a driver being rear-ended in traffic, none of them could help being in “Murderers’ Row” obviously other than for collecting a paycheck.

It’s easy to excuse the misogyny or the smoking or drinking at times now considered inappropriate because of the culture of the era, but “Murderers’ Row” reeks with awful innuendo and a culture of infected pathos showing what was “cool.” If it was all a spoof, it doesn’t work at all and I understand the era and not just making a judgment from today’s context of society.

Further, IMDb.com lists on its trivia page that this piece of garbage flick “received 1967 second place Laurel Awards, given by the Producers Guild of America, for Best Action Drama and Best Action Performance for Dean Martin.” The only comments that come to my mind are: “WTF?” and “you gotta be kidding me!” And the latter should have a replacement word for “kidding.”

OK, here’s my boilerplate explanation about the “approved” rating for movies of the “Murderers’ Row” era: It comes from Hollywood’s rating system known as the “Hays Code” from the name of its chief censor, according to Wiki. From 1938 through 1968 films were evaluated and either deemed approved or disapproved (“moral” or “immoral”). Although officially abandoned in 1968 in favor of the start of the initial version of the rating system you see today, the “Hays Code” had pretty much disappeared in the 1960s due to the influence of television, edgy directors and U.S. Supreme Court rulings, according to Wiki.

“Murderers’ Row” was the second in the series and had its premiere on Dec. 20-21, 1966 (initial opening on Dec. 20 and then nationwide on Dec. 21) and the others in the series were first “The Silencers” co-starring Stella Stevens on Feb. 18 and March 16 of 1966 (initial opening on Feb. 18 and then nationwide on March 16); “The Ambushers” co-starring Senta Berger on Dec. 20 and Dec. 22, 1967 (initial opening on Dec. 20 and nationwide on Dec. 22); and “The Wrecking Crew” co-starring Elke Sommer and Sharon Tate on Feb. 5, 1969.

Absolutely and almost an unbelievable note, “Murderers’ Row” was said on some online sources to be the 11^th ranked film of 1966 at the U.S. box office. As to information from factual websites, the No. 1 film was “Hawaii,” while at No. 3 was “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” and next “The Sand Pebbles” with Steve McQueen, according to Wiki. The other films from 1966 that I’ve reviewed for my blog are:

• “Assault on a Queen” (OK Sinatra caper) – click here for my review
• “The Glass Bottom Boat” (amusing Doris Day) – click here for my review
• “The Trouble With Angels” (funny kids flick) – click here for my review

Assorted cast and film notes (via IMDb.com):

• Martin’s birth name was Dino Paul Crocetti; Ann-Margaret is a native of Sweden and her full name is Ann-Margret Olsson and her nickname is “Slugger;” Malden’s birth name was Mladen George Sekulovich; and Reese’s birth name was Tom Allen.
• Sparv, like Ann-Margaret, is a native of Sweden. Sparv, whose middle name is Margareta, was born in Stockholm and just had her 83rd birthday on June 3, 2026. Ann-Margaret was born in Valsjöbyn, Jämtlands län (a community that’s far north-northwest of Stockholm near the border with Norway) and she was 85 on her birthday on April 28, 2026.
• Britt Ekland was the original casting choice for the character “Coco.” My comment: Thankfully for her, she didn’t take it or get it.
• Directly from IMDb.com: “It was Karl Malden‘s idea to have his character speak in a different accent constantly. He thought it would be an amusing gimmick.” My comment: That idea was just as dreadful as the film as a whole.
• Ann-Margaret was in four films released in 1966 and this massive stinkbomb was the fourth.
• Finally and directly from IMDb.com: “In the discotheque scene, one of the band members (Dino) is Dean Paul Martin, the real life son of Dean Martin. Another (Desi) is Desi Arnaz Jr.. They had a one-hit wonder band at the time called Dino, Desi & Billy.” The band is noted in the film’s opening credits.

© Chuck Curry and A Gator in Naples, 2026
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without
express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner
is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that
full and clear credit is given to Chuck Curry and A Gator in Naples
with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.