Many, many actors have taken a role on stage or on screen (or the telly, as our British cousins would say) just for the paycheck. However, there is a small genre of films that defy any logic on why they were made. Of course, the producers/investors wanted to make money, but in hindsight you can look at films where you ask in today’s jargon, “WTF?” So, today, I’m taking a look at two WTF films: “Jaws: The Revenge” and “Shoot ’Em Up.” Even an investor who knew he or she would earn $1 profit could see neither of these were worthwhile as filmed, but somehow they got made and, I’m not including vanity stinkers such as Scientology adherent John Travolta doing “Battlefield Earth.” Vanity is one reason to make a bad movie. However, another called insanity is what I’m writing about today. You can always excuse vanity, but there’s just no excuse for the other.
‘Jaws: The Revenge’
(1987; 89 minutes; rated PG-13; directed by Joseph Sargent and starring Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest, Michael Caine)
‘Shoot ’Em Up’
(2007; 86 minutes; rated R; directed by Michael Davis and starring Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti and Monica Bellucci)
WTF? … A WASTE OF, AND AN OFFENSE TO MOVIEMAKING
Bad movies can be bad for any number of reasons. But here are two stinkers, with one being made to cash in on big previous hits (“Jaws: The Revenge”) and the other (“Shoot ’Em Up”) with a kernel of a good idea and an exceptional actor, but executed with such vile countenance that it shouldn’t have been made. Simply put: There’s nothing worthwhile to see in any one of them.
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Of course, “Jaws: The Revenge” was made because the word “Jaws” on a movie poster means or meant money – but filmmakers should have had just a sliver of respect for themselves to just say “no.” The movie has a story so contrived that even a dinner theater crowd would boo; its special effects are a joke (just look at the face of the shark you can only think that a clown was the model); and it was a disgusting shame that an actor of Michael Caine’s quality that he actually accepted money for doing this tripe.
As for the other, it brings its own dreck to the party: “Shoot ’Em Up” had a chance because of the exceptionally snarky dialogue and then a sensational turn by Paul Giamatti. However, “Shoot ’Em Up,” amid the violence that was oh-so-bad but oh-so-good, succumbed to vile, reprehensible visuals that would be enough to, well, to coin an old phrase, “gag a maggot.”
It’s difficult to rank one over the other, but I’m particularly enamored of making “Jaws: The Revenge” to be the poster child of all poster children of films where the overriding comment is, “WTF?”
Of course, Hollywood has always wanted to turn a profit. Duh. A lot of cinematic sins can be forgiven over that one. Another duh … one way has been and now is the basic business model that you franchise something. Well, it can go too far.
The “Jaws” franchise was out of steam with the “Jaws 3-D” effort, but it was made. “Jaws 3-D” is terrible, but worth watching simply for the now-foolish appearing effects of the day (you know, bitten-off-limb-sinking-in-the-water stuff). Non 3-D, it would have been a bad TV movie, but you’d watch it. End of “Jaws” story, right? No. Someone wanted to hear the ka-ching of the “Jaws” franchise one more time.
But that might not have been the whole story.
I recall reading that the actor Lorraine Gary, who played “Ellen Brody,” the wife of fictional Amity’s Police Chief “Martin Brody” in the films, wanted to act beside Michael Caine and the whole “Jaws: The Revenge” was created to do just that. However, there are other stories online that show she came out of “retirement” to do the flick – and it is her last acting credit (eight years after her next-to-last and nine years after “Jaws 2”).
For Caine, there is a definite fact. It’s common knowledge that he did it for the paycheck. The legendary actor was quoted as saying, “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.” Even the name of Caine’s character makes you wince: “Hoagie.” That was possibly a mocking of the underwater aspect of the film, since a “hoagie” is a “sub” … rimshot!
Still, even if Gary wanted a final shot on screen and they needed to write a check to Caine to get him to suffer being billed in a cast of Gary, Lance Guest and Mario Van Peebles (sorry, Mario to have to include you), there was simply no viable continuation of the franchise of the white shark’s species’ taste for the Brody clan.
In the end, just watch “Jaws: The Revenge” if you are having a party and want to run as bad a film as possible. Heck, even the abominable “Moving Violations” (click here for my review) is more worthwhile.
Now, on to “Shoot ’Em Up.”
Here’s a flick with powerful performances from excellent actors and a creative story and mostly good writing. However, the vile depictions of a variety of things (I won’t bother to sicken you with even a most cursory mention of them) makes this a stomach-churner that most horror flicks wish they could inflict on their audiences.
In a nutshell, “Shoot ’Em Up” is the story of a stranger (start the stereotypes early) who comes to a woman’s aid; winds up with her baby; and begins the most violent journey to a happy ending you’ll ever find in Hollywood (stereotypes continue through the end).
“Shoot ’Em Up” is only the 28th ranked film for deaths (151 … and that’s surprising, since I’d have thought more), but its lead character played by Clive Owen is No. 2 in cinema history with 141 kills by himself in the film, according to moviebodycounts.com. That’s more than one every minute for a film that doesn’t last 90 minutes. However, you’ll feel every second of it.
Still, it’s not the killing that is disgusting. Yes, the violence is extreme, gory and expertly done, but it is how the characters live; things that they do between gunfights; and just the amoral sleaze of just about every character. “Shoot ’Em Up” could have been iconic and sensational, even given the body count. Giamatti is outstanding, as are Owen and Monica Bellucci.
However, the film was made as it was made and there’s no going back on the finished product. Now, let me extol a one virtue here …
- An Oscar nominee (not for this one), Giamatti is simply A-list as an actor. He’s done everything from drama to comedy and he does it all with extraordinary ability. He’s great in “Shoot ’Em Up” such as when he’s in a hallway with a bunch of dead bodies chatting with his wife via his cell phone or when he’s exchanging quips with Owen over another bunch of bloodied corpses. He’s done excellent drama – just take “Sideways” – and he did a really neat, underrated job in the Frankie Muniz kids flick “Big Fat Liar” (click here for my review). Giamatti was nominated for “Cinderella Man” and did his usual wonderful turn in “Saving Private Ryan.” Giamatti was hilarious in “Private Parts” with Howard Stern and had a minor part in “Donnie Brasco” (click here for my review).
I’m not going to critique Caine or outline his career here. I wrote about Giamatti because he did such a superlative job, but Caine, as you’d expect, mailed this one in and it shows, so no CV about him.
There you have it. Two WTF films that are either so bad or vile that you’ll have to look away from the screen in disgust for bad acting or nasty visuals. Unfortunately, both appear on cable and are on DVD and you’ll be able to get them via streaming services, too. Sigh. I took my copy of “Shoot ’Em Up” out of my DVD library to watch again for this review.
Just to note, “Jaws: The Revenge” was the 54th ranked film in 1987 with $20.7 million, according to Box Office Mojo. “Shoot ’Em Up” was the 135th ranked film in 2007 with $12.8 million. See? You can make more money off franchise pieces. Even with pieces of crap like these two.
Assorted cast and film notes (via IMDb.com):
- “Baby Oliver” in “Shoot ’Em Up” was “played” by three babies. One pair of twins was “cast” before they were born. Sidney and Lucas Mende-Gibson’s mother was pregnant with them and scheduled to give birth at time when filming could use them at the earliest possible time of their lives. The third baby used in film was Kaylyn Yellowlees. All three children have had only this one “acting” credit on their resumes on IMDb.com. Two dolls were also used.
- Owen makes fun of a Walther PPK pistol in the film and that is apparently an inside joke about him being passed over for the talentless Daniel Craig in the “007” franchise. PS – Craig’s only expression onscreen is as if he’s having a bowel movement and Owen would have been a great “James Bond.”
- Directly from IMDb.com about “Shoot ’Em Up:” “The budget for squibs alone was $70,000. On average, you can get 50 squibs for $1,000.” NOTE: A “squib” is a blood packet used in special effects.
- For “Jaws: The Revenge,” blue dye in a filming tank reportedly turned Gary’s and Caine’s hair that color.
- The fake shark in “Jaws: The Revenge” was nominated for a “Razzie” as “Worst Actor” in a film and was the first “animal” nominated for a “Razzie.”
- Finally and directly from IMDb.com: “Roy Scheider was offered a cameo, but declined, stating ‘Satan himself could not get me to do Jaws part 4.’ Reportedly, if Scheider had accepted the bit part, the shark would’ve killed his character at the start of the movie. The end result has Scheider in this movie through archive footage from Jaws (1975) that was inserted during some scenes in the movie.”
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